Snaps For Severus!
by Athalia
Summary: Severus Snape never should have come to Thursday's staff meeting, for a horror beyond what his mind can conceive awaits him there: Teamwork building activities with his co-workers. Ths Snap Cup! (inspired by Legally Blond 2) Ch. 5 up! Complete!
1. Staff Meeting

A/N: Anyone who has seen the movie "Legally Blond 2" knows that a "Snap  
Cup" is a cup in which co-workers put compliments about each other. The  
compliments are then read out loud and all snap their fingers in  
celebration of the person in question. Professor Dumbledore has made a Snap  
Cup for the Hogwarts staff. *maniacal giggling* Enjoy the fic. It will  
probably have several chapters, so keep checking back until I say it's  
over.  
Na zdarovie!  
~Athalia.  
  
Snaps For Severus!  
  
Chapter One: Staff Meeting  
  
Professor Severus Snape stared numbly at the staff room wall. This week the  
wall was a nauseating shade of magenta (the Headmaster had the house elves  
change it's color weekly "to keep it interesting," he had said), but that  
wasn't what was troubling Severus at the moment. No, it was the fact that  
at long last, Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft  
and Wizardry, had completely lost his mind that seemed to have stricken him  
with the urge fling himself out the window and finally end it all.  
On the coffee table before him sat a large ornate silver goblet. At  
one point it had been beautiful, a functional piece of art. But now it had  
been decorated with red paper hearts, lengths of pink lace, and a sign that  
had been spell-o-taped to it, on which was written in fancy writing  
"Albus's Snap Goblet." Severus could relate to this goblet. It had been  
unfairly stripped of its dignity and grace, just as he was about to be.  
Two days previously, Severus had received an owl from the Headmaster,  
instructing him to be in the Hogwarts staff room at noon on Thursday. The  
letter made it clear that it was extremely important that he be there, and  
that he should cancel any appointments he had that Thursday that may  
interfere with his ability to devote a good part of his day to whatever the  
purpose of this meeting may be. And so Severus had complied, assuming that  
it was duty for The Order. He had spent all of Wednesday night mentally  
preparing himself to perform tasks that would put his life in danger,  
mulling over the fact that soon, he might die. It was all  
uncharacteristically Zen, for Severus, but these were desperate times.  
No amount of mental preparation could have prepared Severus for what  
he was met with on Thursday, though. That morning he got out of bed (but  
not before attempting to perform an Unforgivable Curse on his alarm clock),  
brushed his ever-yellowing teeth, considered showering but then decided to  
save himself the trouble seeing as he thought he'd be spending most of the  
day in a hooded robe, tossed on some black robes, and headed out the door.  
When taking only weather into consideration, it was a beautiful day.  
Though it was August, the heat wasn't that bad, and not a single cloud  
dared to mar the endless azure sky. There was a gentle breeze and the air  
felt clean and crisp. Only a man like Severus could be thinking about how  
horrible his life was on a day like this. But the start of term was only  
three days away and it was a Thursday. For some reason Severus didn't like  
Thursdays.  
He apparated to the outer limits of the Hogwarts grounds and had to  
go the rest of the way by foot because, as one of his more annoying  
Gryfindor students would all to eagerly inform you, you cannot apparate or  
dissapparate on the Hogwarts grounds. Through the front gates, across the  
Great Hall, and up the many shifting staircases he went, until he finally  
reached the staff room.  
Severus took a deep breath before opening the door. Though he  
wouldn't let on, he was frightened. Who wouldn't be? But he was ready. If a  
git like Sirius Black could give his life for The Order, he could damn well  
do the same. He placed his hand on the mahogany doorknob, which was roughly  
carved in the shape of a rose. Severus paused for a moment. He'd never  
really noticed how beautiful it was. When Severus noticed things at all  
they were usually negative. But today he was thinking like a man on his way  
to the gallows. He had done dangerous work before and come out alive,  
though considerably worse for the wear. But he had a bad feeling about this  
one. Though not for the reasons he thought, his bad feeling about this  
meeting was not at all without merit. But he was being childish, he told  
himself, melodramatic. Whatever The Dark Lord threw at him, he could handle  
it somehow.  
Pulling himself together, Severus took another deep breath, twisted  
the mahogany rose, and let the door swing open with an ominous creak. 


	2. The Silver Chalice Of Doom

Snaps For Severus!  
  
Chapter Two: The Silver Chalice Of Doom  
  
The sight that met Severus when he opened the door was surprising for  
a number of reasons. One was that the whole of the Hogwarts staff was  
there, looking tired and rather unenthusiastic. Another was that Lupin was  
there. Though he was a member of The Order, he was no longer a Hogwarts  
staff member, and therefore should not have been invading this usually  
lycanthrope-free vicinity. The last strange thing was the expression on  
Dumbledore's face; instead of looking somber and professional as he usually  
did when discussing the war against Voldemort, he was smiling and looking  
as excited as a kid in a candy store.  
"Severus!" he said, striding over to greet the potions professor. "So  
glad that you're here! Everyone's here then? Yes? Well, I believe we can  
get started now. Have a seat, Severus, you look exhausted." He beckoned  
toward the one of the lime green velvet couches that were situated around a  
small wooden conference table in the middle of the staff room. Severus took  
a seat, situating himself as far away from the rest of the meeting's  
attendees, Lupin especially, as he could. "Lemon drop, Severus?" offered  
Dumbledore, levitating a dish of small yellow candies toward Severus. "No  
thank you, Headmaster," he declined, and the dish came to rest on the  
table.  
Severus turned toward Lupin, sneering. "Why are you here, Lupin?" he  
asked. "Are they all out of vacancies at the kennel?"  
Lupin smiled wearily. "No, Severus," he said. "Professor Dumbledore  
requested my presence, so here I am."  
Remus Lupin. Always the gentleman. Always finding a tactful way to avoid  
confrontation. Severus hated him.  
"I realize Remus is no longer a Hogwarts staff member," Dumbledore cut in,  
"But I asked him to join us today since some of us will be working in close  
proximity with him in, ah, other pursuits." He glanced briefly at the  
ornate tapestry of a phoenix on the staff room wall.  
"May I inquire as to why you called us all here today?" asked  
Severus, growing impatient. "Yes. I was just getting to that," said  
Dumbledore. "As you all know," he said, addressing the rest of the staff  
and Lupin. "The Wizarding world has seen better days. We seem to be at a  
bit of a crossroads in the fight against Voldemort." Some of the staff  
shuddered at the name, but Dumbledore chose to ignore this and continued.  
"But we have all been working tirelessly to aid in the battle. Every one of  
you has been an enormous help, and for that, I thank you." Dumbledore  
smiled at them, and they smiled back. It was a touching moment, really.  
Severus almost threw up in his mouth.  
"And so," Dumbledore went on, "I think we all deserve to have a bit  
of fun." Oh no. Oh no, oh no, oh no. This was it. This was what the ominous  
feeling was about. Severus wasn't prepared for this. He knew he wasn't. For  
he had experienced, first-hand, from many a Hogwarts staff Christmas party,  
just what the Headmaster's idea of "fun" was, and he didn't like it. He  
didn't like it at all.  
Severus wasn't alone in his feeling of apprehension. Flitwick was  
clutching his stomach as though he'd been impaled there with a knife, the  
line of McGonagall's mouth was as thin as a unicorn's tail hair, and even  
Lupin looked as if he'd been informed that the next full moon was coming a  
week early.  
"What I have planned isn't just about fun, though," continued the  
Headmaster, apparently undaunted by the looks on his colleague's faces.  
"This shall be a teamwork building activity!" Flitwick groaned audibly, as  
if feeling unimaginable pain. "I believe we can be so much more effective  
as teachers and as warriors for the side of good if we learn to work  
together as a unit!" Hagrid began wringing his beard, his eyes darting  
wildly around the staff room as though searching for a way out.  
"And what..." stammered McGonagall, "What exactly do you have  
planned?"  
"Well, my dear Minerva, I believe that instead of wasting words  
telling you, I shall show you. Sight tight, everyone. I will return  
shortly." And he hurried out the door.  
Filch clasped his hands over his head. "Merciful God, please take me now!"  
he mumbled. "Well," said Lupin, wringing his hands. "This, ah. This might  
not be so bad." Severus snorted. The poor naïve bastard.  
In no time at all Dumbledore was back, carrying what looked like something  
out a Care Bear wine tasting festival. It was a large silver goblet  
festooned in pink. "This," said Dumbledore, setting the chalice down on the  
table in triumph, "is my Snap Cup!" 


	3. Snaps For Remus!

A/N: Back with chapter three! Thank you very much to all who reviewed, especially "Me", who left a very nice review. And yes, that was a typo at the end of chapter two. I did mean "sit tight", not "sight tight." Whoops. Also, I'm sorry about the funky, hard-to-read spacing on the last two chapters. FFN does that sometimes, it squashes everything together. I hope this one turns out a little better. Keep on the lookout for chapter four, which will hopefully be up soon!  
  
Cheers,  
  
Athalia.  
  
Snaps For Severus!  
  
Chapter Three: Snaps For Remus!  
  
And I believe this is where we last left dear Severus, staring morosely at the staff room wall and wondering whether or not he could kill himself by lodging a lemon drop in his own throat.  
  
"What we do with the Snap Cup," Dumbledore explained enthusiastically, "is we each write down something we like about a certain person." He began passing around little slips of parchment and quills. "And then we read them out loud and we all snap for that person! Isn't that wonderful?" He grinned. Curse my head off and paint the walls with my brains, thought Severus.  
  
"Professor Dumbledore," McGonagall spoke up, "is this really necessary. Some of us have much more constructive things we could be doing today-"  
  
"Nonsense, Minerva!" Dumbledore cut her off. "The friendships that shall be built in this room today will prove to be invaluable in future endeavors!"  
  
"Professor Dumbledore, sir," said Hagrid, "I just remembered I have ter go.er.give Fluffy a bath."  
  
"I'm sure Fluffy won't mind you being slightly late, Hagrid. We've much more important things to do, so whatever anyone had planned previously can wait!"  
  
Severus groaned inwardly. He'd never been subjected to anything so idiotic in his life and it hadn't even really started yet.  
"Headmaster." He might as well try. "As I'm sure no one has anything particularly pleasant to say about me and I'm very busy today, perhaps I should just-"  
  
"You're not leaving, Severus! I'm sure everyone can find something wonderful to say about you!"  
  
Professor McGonagall laughed behind her hand. "Now."said Dumbledore, ignoring McGonagall, "Whom shall we start off with.?"  
  
Everyone appeared to be trying to sink into the couch. Severus cursed himself for not having a bottle of Invisibility Potion with him. It would have done him so much good.  
  
"Remus!" said the Headmaster. "You look like you could do with a bit of cheering up!" Lupin's face turned as gray as the tips of his hair.  
  
"Actually, Professor Dumbledore," said Lupin hurriedly, "I've been having a wonderful day so far and-" "Then this can only make it better!" said Dumbledore. "Now, everyone write down what you like best about Remus on the scraps of parchment, sign you name, and put them in the Snap Cup!" Severus smirked. This whole ordeal might not turn out so bad after all. The rest of the staff shook their heads, but began writing on their slips of parchment, nonetheless, occasionally looking up to stare meditatively at Lupin, who looked as if he wanted nothing more than to spontaneously combust.  
  
Severus began writing down his "compliment" for Lupin. He glanced up at him briefly and their eyes met. Lupin turned an even more sickly shade of gray. Since the demise of his little friend Black, Lupin had seemed not only thinner and more exhausted than usual, but he seemed jumpy, afraid of his own shadow. And so of course, Severus was taking full advantage of this, lurking creepily in the shadows, swooping out from around corners unexpectedly; the kind of childish things they did in their Hogwarts days that, for some reason, still gave him so much satisfaction now.  
  
When he was finished, he folded the slip of parchment and dropped it unceremoniously into the cup.  
  
"Is everyone finished?" asked Dumbledore, looking around. "Alright, then," he said when no one responded, "let's see what you all had to say about Remus." He picked the cup up from the center of the table and took out a slip of parchment. "Okay, this one is from Minerva." McGonagall stared fixedly at the leg of the table, avoiding everyone's eyes. "'While he was here,'" read Dumbledore, "'Remus was one of the best Defense Against The Dark Arts teachers Hogwarts has ever seen.' Isn't that nice? Snaps for Remus, everyone!" Nothing. Not a sound. "This is the part where we all snap for Remus." Dumbledore reminded them. Everyone sat up, as if being abruptly awoken from a reverie and began snapping half-heartedly.  
  
"And this one," Dumbledore took out another compliment, "is from Hagrid! It says, 'Lupin was the best Defense teacher Hogwarts ever had, especially compared to the numbskulls who came before him.' Snaps for Remus!" More snapping. The sound was already beginning to grate on Severus's nerves. It went on like this for quite a while. Apparently a lot of people thought Lupin was the best Defense Against The Dark Arts teacher Hogwarts ever had. Apparently Severus worked alongside a herd of morons.  
  
"Oh," said Dumbledore, looking at the paper in his hand. "Here's one from Severus." Lupin immediately began choking on the lemon drop he'd been loudly and annoyingly slurping on and Professor Sprout had to whack him on the back until it dislodged itself from his throat.  
  
"Alright, Remus? Yes? Well, anyway, what Severus like best about Remus is that..." he glanced at the parchment. "Er.....'So far, Lupin has managed not to give the rest of us fleas.' We, er, snaps for Remus!"  
  
As the sound of unenthused snapping rang through the room once more, Severus looked around at his co-workers and wondered what idiotic, greeting card-esque things would be said about them. He also wondered, gazing at a flustered looking Remus Lupin, a man who seemed to be crumbling before everyone's eyes, whether or not the werewolf would finally lower himself to seeking revenge. 


	4. Snaps For Minerva!

A/N: *enter marching band, paparazzi, and screaming fans* And I return  
triumphantly with chapter four! Thank you for your patience and, of course,  
your reviews, which I find very encouraging. I hope to have the next  
chapter, which could be the last one, written and posted soon, before  
school starts on Monday, ack, so check back soon. Enjoy the chapter and  
remember to review!  
  
Cheers,  
  
Athalia.  
  
Snaps For Severus!  
  
Chapter Four: Snaps For Minerva!  
  
"He's the hairy-handed gent who ran amuck in Kent."  
  
"Severus."  
  
"Lately he's been overheard in Mayfair."  
  
"Severus, please."  
  
"Better stay away from him. He'll rip your lungs out, Jim."  
  
"Severus, really.  
  
"I'd like to meet his tailor-"  
  
"Severus!" Minerva McGonagall's mouth was as thin as Severus had ever seen  
it. He was unpleasantly reminded of the days long ago when he had been a  
student in McGonagall's Transfiguration class, and for just a moment he  
quailed under the older woman's glare.  
  
"Werewolves of London."  
  
"As truly lovely as it is to hear you sing, Severus," said McGonagall in a  
voice as subtle and deadly as arsenic, "I believe we are ready to carry on  
with our little, ah, game."  
  
Severus nodded curtly. Lupin, who the song had obviously been directed  
toward, didn't look at Severus, just stared intently at fly buzzing along  
the wall as if it was the most interesting thing he'd seen in years and  
twirled a lock of graying, light brown hair persistently around his finger.  
  
So far, they had managed to get through the Snap Cup rounds of Professors  
Flitwick ("Fillius is an inspiration to short people who don't want to be  
jockeys everywhere"), Hagrid ("remarkably, Hagrid has managed to never sit  
on or step on one of the students"), Sprout ("dirt looks quite becoming on  
Rosemary"), Binns ("Jonathon is more powerful than my strongest sleeping  
draught"), Filch ("it is quite a feat to stay so filthy when your job  
revolves around cleaning"), Trelawney ("Sibyll always seems eager to help  
me- for instance informing me that my love line is barely long enough to be  
human and that I have no affection lines"), Vector, Pince, Pomfrey, and  
Sinistra.  
  
Severus had acted more immature today than he ever had in his entire life.  
He was always unduly cruel to people, there was no denying that, but  
usually he did it with some subtly and even, dare he say it, style. But a  
reckless daring had infested Severus, consuming him like a disease, when  
the Headmaster clunked that frilly goblet down on the table, and Severus  
didn't regret a single word he'd said that day.  
  
"Now that we are ready," said Dumbledore, surveying them all serenely and,  
like Lupin, choosing to ignore Severus's little Warren Zevon outburst, "I  
suppose we should proceed. Now I believe we have not snapped for Minerva  
yet, have we?"  
  
"Yes, actually we did just a while ago, Albus," McGonagall tried in vain.  
"You were.... You fell asleep."  
  
"Oh, Minerva, don't be modest," said Severus, sneering. "You know we  
haven't snapped for you yet!"  
  
Severus was once again subdued slightly by a look of pure hatred shot at  
him from McGonagall. She gave him a horrible forced smile and said, voice  
trembling slightly with suppressed rage, "Of course, Severus, how silly of  
me to try and get out of it. You always have my best interests at heart,  
don't you?"  
  
Severus's mouth curled into a mirthful leer. "Of course I do, Minerva," he  
said. "What are friends for?"  
  
"See!" said Dumbledore, smiling in triumph. "Our friendships are  
strengthening already! Now everyone, it's time to snap for Minerva. You  
know what to do!" And once more the room was filled with the scratching of  
quills on parchment.  
  
Severus looked down at his parchment, grin diminishing slightly. Even in  
situations where he got to see his colleagues utterly humiliated, Severus  
was not the kind of man who remained smiling for long periods of time, on  
the very rare occasion that he smiled at all. Nothing seemed worthy of  
putting excess strain on his mouth muscles. Under his calm, collected  
exterior, Severus was always bitching about something.  
  
What to say, what to say? For most of his co-workers he had just dished  
out insults, obvious, blatant insults. But for Lupin and McGonagall he  
decided that they would have to be a bit more high quality than that, a bit  
slyer, especially with McGonagall. He wanted to insult her in such a way  
that he would receive a ten out of ten if he was still McGonagall's student  
and she was grading him on an insult essay.  
  
He swept his eyes over McGonagall's rigid form, sitting up straight on the  
couch, giving them all a truly evil look which she usually reserved for  
students, one that seemed to say, "Go on, act up in my class, I dare you.  
See what happens." Severus was looking for any imperfections that he could  
tactfully point out to his colleagues. All the obvious stuff of course,  
graying hair in the same tight bun every day, lined face, odd glasses, a  
demeanor that was often less than warm and friendly, to say the least, but  
Severus really couldn't talk on that account. What else though? And he had  
to find some way to disguise it as a compliment. Severus sighed. Cruelty is  
a difficult art, no matter what some may think of it.  
  
He looked around at the other staff members. They were all scribbling  
fervently on their slips of parchment. It reminded him of exam time. Their  
air had an unsettling, nervous feeling to it. People were hunched over,  
thinking, writing. Lupin's cloudy gray eyes were narrowed slightly in  
concentration. He seemed to be taking this activity to heart, thinking up a  
truly flattering compliment for every staff member, always earning him or  
her ample snaps. Remus Lupin. Always the gentleman. Severus's stomach  
churned in disgust. The bastard.  
  
Severus was Lupin's counterpart, his opposite. It was his duty to make sure  
things didn't get to warm and fuzzy in the staff room that day. That was  
what Dumbledore wanted, warm and fuzzy, but for once Severus was finding it  
necessary to hinder the Headmaster's plans. People were finishing, putting  
their slips of parchment into the Snap Cup and leaning back on the couches,  
waiting. Severus was pressed for time. An idea struck him. It wasn't a  
great one, but it would do. He quickly wrote it down, signed his name, and  
dropped it in the cup.  
  
When everyone was done, Dumbledore swept the Snap Cup wordlessly up from  
the table. He paused before drawing out the first compliment, letting the  
anticipation build, Severus presumed. But finally, he took one out,  
unfolded it with a flourish, and read it aloud.  
  
"This one is from Remus," he informed them. "Remus says, 'Minerva is firm,  
but fair with the students and she teaches her subject well.' Snaps for  
Minerva!" Much snapping (a sound that Severus was sure would haunt his  
nightmares more than the cackle of Voldemort's laughter from now on)  
ensued, and Severus's colleagues smiled in consent with what Lupin had  
written.  
  
"Well," said Dumbledore, "this next one is from Sibyll, this ought to be,  
ah, interesting." His eyes swept over the parchment and he read, in a  
surprisingly good imitation of Trelawney's misty voice (which he didn't  
seem to realize he was using), "Whilst gazing into my orb, I was informed  
that, though she may be in denial of the powers of The Divine, Minerva  
McGonagall has lived a good life, in accordance with what has been written  
for her in the stars.' Well... Snaps for Minerva! That's quite an  
accomplishment!" Half-hearted snaps filled the room as the staff exchanged  
looks of exasperation and confusion.  
  
After several more slips of parchment were read and snapped over, the  
inevitable happened, and Severus's "compliment" was reached. "And here,"  
Dumbledore exclaimed jubilantly, "is what we've all been waiting for:  
Severus's compliment for Minerva!" McGonagall's eyes narrowed into slits,  
snake-like and dangerous. They bore painfully into Severus's, and he looked  
away quickly, beginning to wish he'd actually written something nice. It  
was to late now, though. Dumbledore unfolded the parchment and began to  
read, letting Severus's words out into the painfully still air, like some  
sort of hairy beast being released out into a quiet night.  
  
"Severus says," said Dumbledore, "'what I like best about Minerva is that  
when she is with Albus, she makes him look even younger than he did when I  
was a Hogwarts student.' Now isn't that nice? Snaps for Minerva!"  
  
The look of indignation on McGonagall's face should have made it all worth  
it, but somehow it didn't. As soon as this was over, Severus knew,  
McGonagall would make him pay. Severus squirmed uncomfortably in his seat  
as McGonagall's glare cut through him like a laser. 'At least she won't  
kill me', thought Severus. 'I'm to useful to The Order to spare.'  
  
"Well," said Dumbledore, "that's all for Minerva. Let's all give her one  
last big round of snaps!" Everyone snapped, including Severus, though it  
made his head ache. Snapping for her might ensure that some of his health  
may stay intact later. "And I believe," said Dumbledore, "that we only have  
one more person to snap for." And the wizard's crooked nose and sparkling  
blue eyes turned toward Severus.  
  
For the first time since his days as a real Death Eater, the sight of the  
headmaster's warm smile induced nothing but guilt, fear, and shear panic in  
Severus. "It is time," said Dumbledore, "to snap for Severus!"  
  
Severus's stomach clenched in dread at the sight of the looks of sadistic  
pleasure on his colleagues' faces. Now he was regretting all the things  
he'd said. Fear for his own pride and safety seemed to be the only thing  
that could instill remorse in the potions professor these days.  
  
Severus was surprised to see that in the sea of leering faces before him,  
none looked quite so alarming as that of Remus Lupin. The look on his face  
was one that he had quite frequently seen on the faces of the late James  
Potter and Sirius Black, but had never marred the usually pleasant features  
of their more timid compatriot. It was a look that sent chills of dread,  
embarrassment, and fear down Severus's spine, the likes of which he hadn't  
felt since his fifth year when Potter had strung him upside down from a  
tree. It was a look of vindictive pleasure that now stared out at him from  
Lupin's lined face, a look that quite clearly said "Oh, Snivellus, I am  
going to kick your ass." 


	5. Snaps For Severus!

A/N: Last chapter's finally up! A bit later than promised, but up all the  
same. I just realized I haven't done a disclaimer, and those can be so much  
fun.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter (dagnabbit!), nor do I own Legally  
Blond or the Snap Cup, which is good, because after a while, I would be  
forced to kill all those giggly blond people. Giggly blond people get on my  
nerves.  
  
Snaps For Severus!  
  
Chapter Five: Snaps For Severus!  
  
The ink flowing from the hollowed out insides of Severus's colleague's  
quills reminded him of a bullet exploding from the end of a Muggle gun. The  
soft scratching of these quills upon parchment reminded him of the dry,  
resounding click of a gun being cocked, having heard the sound once before,  
after being jumped by a foolish Muggle one dark night, remembered the  
feeling of the cold metal nestled perfectly in his temple. The fear was  
nothing to that which he felt now, for he had had the luxury of killing the  
stupid Muggle, and such was not the case with his colleagues.  
  
He was being judged again. It was like being trialed before the  
Ministry of Magic for the second time, but he could tell by the looks on  
the rest of the staff's faces that they would not be quite so forgiving.  
  
The look on McGonagall's face was one Severus had not seen since  
Gryfindor won the Quidditch Cup for the first time in seven years. Grinning  
like a mad woman, she scribbled furiously, occasionally looking up at  
Severus, sizing him up in a way that a cat surveys a bird with a broken  
wing.  
  
Lupin's joy seemed beyond facial expression. He just wrote calmly,  
chuckling to himself every now and then in a creepily serene manner, same  
pleasant smile on his face as always. Once again, it was Lupin's behavior  
that worried Severus most.  
  
"Well, it appears as if everyone is finished." Dumbledore smiled  
around at all of them. Severus sat up straight, dignity still intact for  
now at least. Judgment Day had come.  
  
"Let's see what everyone had to say about Severus!" And the  
Headmaster picked up the Snap Cup, drew out a slip of parchment, and began  
to read.  
  
To put it lightly, it wasn't nice. "Severus," wrote Professor Sprout, "Is a  
wonderful spy for the side of good. He never drops his character. He even  
manages to play the part of an evil, bloodthirsty Death Eater around his  
students and fellow teachers." Hooch made some comment about how it was  
quite impressive how Severus managed not to drown the entire school in a  
river a mucus when he caught cold, considering the size of his nasal  
orifices; Flitwick said that he could single-handedly solve all of the  
Muggles' fuel supply problems by donating them the grease on his head; and  
Trelawney informed him that his aura was the most dazzling shade of onyx  
she'd ever seen. No, it wasn't that nice at all.  
  
"Ah!" exclaimed Dumbledore excitedly. "Here's Minerva's!" The room was as  
silent as the dead. No one spoke, no one breathed, and no one sniggered,  
much to Severus's relief as people had been doing that quite a lot  
recently. Dumbledore looked at what McGonagall had written, then unfolded  
that page once, twice, three times. "It seems," said Dumbledore "that  
Minerva had about ten inches of parchment's worth of wonderful things to  
say about Severus. Well, we have time I suppose! Minerva writes, 'Severus  
was always a favorite student of mine. I watched his progress closely and  
his character always impressed me. For instance, I admired how he always  
refrained from abusing his skill at the Dark Arts when first year girls  
beat him up. I also like the way Severus wears his hair. The Kurt-Cobain-  
Falls-In-A-Tub-Of-Axel-Grease look really is charming on him. And Severus  
is so forgiving! He would never ever, for example, hold a grudge against a  
boy whose father he hated, when the father's been dead for almost fifteen  
years! And finally, I would like to say that it is a true miracle that  
Severus can walk around at all without bumping into people, as his head is  
obviously shoved much to far up his own ass to allow for normal vision.'"  
  
The silence that followed was more resounding and complete than any Severus  
had ever heard before in his life. He could feel a crimson blush creep  
slowly into his sallow face. The affect must have been charming. McGonagall  
didn't smile, only sat proud and erect, with a look of satisfaction on her  
face, feeling that, at long last, justice had been served.  
  
"Well...." Dumbledore trailed off. "Er.. Snaps for Severus, everyone!" No  
one snapped, they only sat there in shocked silence, staring in turn at  
either McGonagall or Severus. Choosing to ignore the uncomfortable silence  
filling the room in the absence of snaps, Dumbledore cleared his throat and  
took out the next slip of parchment.  
  
'Dumbledore, no!' thought Snape. He was still reeling from the blow  
from McGonagall, and there was only one person left whose parchment had not  
been read. One mild-mannered, lycanthropic person, smiling politely and  
waiting for his comments to be shared.  
  
"This one is from Remus!" said Dumbledore. "It's always so nice to  
see old school friends still getting along after all these years. Let's see  
what he wrote."  
  
Severus's heart was pounding in his throat. He looked around  
desperately. There had to be some way out. Windows closed, door closed.  
Dumbledore could stun him before he managed to open one of them. Severus's  
mind was churning. Where could he hide? He had nothing. He was trapped.  
  
Severus viewed it as if in slow motion. Dumbledore unfolding the  
parchment. His colleagues sitting up and looking expectantly at him. The  
headmaster's mouth opening as he began to speak. This was it. The  
countdown. It was all over now.  
  
"Remus writes," said Dumbledore, "'I admire Severus's style. When I  
was in my sixth year at Hogwarts, Sirius convinced me to get a tattoo, but  
I ended up not getting one since I could never find one that really  
expressed me. Severus, however, has a tattoo that matches his personality  
perfectly.'"  
  
Quicker than a flash Severus was on his feet, wand out and pointed at  
Lupin's chest, breathing hard as if he's just run a marathon. Lupin was  
standing opposite him, in the same position, glaring at Severus, conveying  
all of his suppressed rage toward the ex-Death Eater with one look. No one  
else in the staff room moved, a mixture of shock and pure curiosity keeping  
them from intervening.  
  
"Damn you, Lupin," Severus hissed. "You have no idea what its  
like...no idea..."  
  
Lupin didn't answer, just stood, steady as a rock and ready to fight.  
  
Severus stared back at him, sizing up the situation. He was beginning  
to regret jumping to his feet at such haste. Lupin wasn't one to fight at  
any tiny insult, as his late friends had been. He was more the type to  
offer you a cup of tea and invite you to sit down for a while, to work  
things out like rational adults. But the last time Severus had seen Lupin  
angry, truly angry, and dueling, the subject of his anger had come out a  
bit worse for the wear, to say the very least. In short, Severus knew that  
Lupin could quite easily sever his ass from the rest of his body, and  
would, if offered any further provocation.  
  
"Now really, Remus, Severus." McGonagall had spoken up, emerging from  
her state of shock. She still seemed very surprised to see such behavior  
out of the two men, especially Lupin. "I don't think you two need to resort  
to such childish beha-"  
  
"Ah!" Severus grasped his left forearm, which was burning painfully.  
He whipped his head around, thinking Lupin had decided to play dirty and  
curse him while his head was turned, but Lupin still stood in the same  
position, a curious expression on his face. And then Severus realized...  
The mark. He was being summoned.  
  
He paled instantly. "Headmaster," he said quickly, turning to  
Dumbledore. "I have to go."  
  
Dumbledore nodded gravely. Lupin lowered his wand, still glaring, as  
Severus stowed his own in the pocket of his robes. Severus strode briskly  
across the room and grabbed his black traveling cloak from off the hat  
stand. He tossed it on, letting it fall down onto his shoulders. It was  
warm outside, but Severus suddenly felt slightly chilled. He gave one last  
nod of acknowledgement to his shocked colleagues and opened the door.  
  
"Severus." It was Dumbledore.  
"Yes?" Severus asked.  
Dumbledore looked at him, concern for the cold, bitter man before him in  
his face. "Good luck," he said. Severus nodded. "Thank you," he said, and  
walked out the door, letting it swing shut behind him with a snap.  
  
"He was faking it," said Lupin instantly, the second the door had  
clicked shut. "Just to get out of dueling me. That coward."  
  
"No," said Dumbledore certainly. "No, he wasn't." For Albus  
Dumbledore had known Severus Snape for quite a long time. He knew the man  
was a good actor, but he also recognized the unmistakable look of pain and  
masked fear on Severus's face, and knew, without a doubt, that he was not  
faking it.  
  
"Severus has been summoned for duty by Lord Voldemort once again." And then  
Dumbledore turned to the rest of his staff, smiling slightly at them all.  
"And that," he said, "Is what I like best about Severus. Snaps for Severus,  
everyone."  
  
And this time, everyone snapped.  
  
A/N2: Yes, I know, a little unexpected, but I had to find some way to end  
this piece of crap. Actually, I really enjoyed writing this. It's the  
longest fic I've ever written, so reward me and review, review, review to  
your heart's content.  
  
Na Zdarovie,  
  
Athalia. 


End file.
